It's just that there are all these Mommy Wars. Women ripping each other to shreds... for what reason, I don't know. Modern Day bullying? To validate their own choices? Rampant insecurity disguised as over-confidence? It's just that if you used cry it out, the attachment parenting people think you're creating the next Carrie. If you baby wear, the cry it out people think that you're spoiling them into the next Veruca Salt.
Who wins? Do any of the Mommy Wars Camps truly believe that if we ALL used cry it out or cosleeping, the world would be a better place?
As a mama, I don't think too hard about these questions. All I know is when I sit beside a new mama, who is wrecked and radiant and tired and new and old and entering the world again as a new person, when I sit beside a new mama who looks like a deer in headlights meets a wise woman, when I sit beside a new mama, I feel reverence, awe, and honor for her. I want to wash her feet, anoint her with sweet oil, and order her a pizza and some beer, delivery. With a side of Housekeeper.
As a mama, I came from a long bout of post-partum depression that turned into a flat out psych episode. From trying to fit my old self into a new paradigm. From trying to get perfect and set up camp in one of the many strong opinions available to me, perfectly. From guilt as a working mama. From fending off too many opinions around me.
And one day, I realized I just want to feel good about parenting. I don't want to be a serenity parent or a way of the peaceful mama parent or an attachment parent or any kind of parent except one who feels good about her decisions, forgives herself for the crappy decisions, and can make decisions without ripping another mama to shreds.
So when a mama says, "I can't get her on a nap schedule it's making me really nuts," I say, "Do you feel good about needing a schedule?" When a mama says, "I know I have to wear my baby but she hates the sling," I say, "Do you feel good about baby wearing? Do you love the sling?" Because the dirty secret is, we don't have to fight for it. If it doesn't feel good to your family, then it doesn't feel good to your baby.
If it doesn't feel good for your family, then it doesn't feel good to your baby.