There are some difficult conversations we agonize about or even avoid - ranging from asking for a raise, telling a spouse what you need, confronting a friend about addiction, asking for a telecommute day or a part-time schedule, "firing" a client or having a sales conversation.
These are the conversations that have the potential to change our lives.
Some conversations just aren't easy. They might inspire anger, rejection, tears, or backlash in the other person. We tend to fear those reactions. Our inner critics start to bark, serving up our worst-case-scenarios.
So we avoid them, at worst. At best, we go in scared and don't stand in our power.
TOUGH TALKS ARE AWESOME.
Here's the thing: If there is a difficult conversation in your future, it means you're primed for transformation in your life or business.
Tough talks are the ground zero of the future. And how you enter into it, how you leave it, and how you leave the other person are important.
WHAT'S THE SECRET?
The outcome is not important.
The reason we sweat it out is because we care SO MUCH if we get our way in the conversation. If we get the raise/time off/telecommute opportunity. If the spouse turns around and treats us better. If the kids handle bad news without freaking out. If the potential client says "yes".
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IN A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION IS HOW YOU SHOW UP.
Having powerful, tough conversations without anxiety requires access to your inner highest consciousness.
The part of you that knows: No matter the outcome, you're in the right place.
The part of you that is focused on the other person, on creating a win-win experience, and on addressing their fears, rather than your own.
The part of you that sees this as an experience and opportunity rather than the end of the line.
What matters is: How does the potential client feel, when they hang up? How does your boss feel, whether they grant the raise or not? How does your spouse feel after you tell him or her that you aren't sure this relationship is working?
How have you served during these conversations? What was the legacy of your conversation?
THE MINDSET QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Think of a tough talk that's coming up for you.
1) How can you frame the circumstances so that the outcome isn't important?
For example, "Whether or not this client says YES to working with me, I must offer my services because they need to know there are other options besides suffering".
2) What is the benefit of this situation for the other person? How is this a win-win for everyone?
When you ask for a telecommuting schedule, talk about how will spend less time in traffic and more time working; that you'll be able to reserve special projects and be more productive during that time; that it's a cutting-edge benefit that companies offer.
3) How do you want to FEEL during the conversation? How do you want the other person to feel? What do you want the legacy of this energetic exchange with another human to be?
If you have to talk to your spouse, do you want them to feel blamed or on your team? Like you're in this together, or like they need to be the 'fixer'?
How will you stay in your power during your next difficult conversation?
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